A Guncle’s Guide to Language Lessons: How My Sister Put a Flame Under My Ass to Get These Boys Talking

It was only a matter of time before my sister came to me with “the look.” You know, the one where she’s sweetly asking but also letting you know there’s no room for negotiation. This time, it wasn’t about diaper duty—no, it was about getting these twins to up their vocab game.

You see, Franky and Dougy have mastered the art of “Dada” (because, obviously, why wouldn’t that be the first word?). But my sister’s concern about their language development was starting to simmer. And just like that, the flame was lit under my Guncle ass to put together a curriculum. Yes, you read that right—me, making a curriculum, all to make sure these boys grow up talking like future valedictorians and not cavemen with only one word in their linguistic arsenal.

So, I got to work, creating a Daycare at Home plan for these almost-one-year-olds, and let me tell you, it’s going to blow “Dada” out of the water. Here’s what I came up with—feel free to take notes!

The Guncle-Approved Curriculum: Talk Like You Mean It

Step 1: Morning Circle Time

Every morning, we kick things off with a good old-fashioned sing-along. We’re talking classics like “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” and “Itsy Bitsy Spider” because these hits slap in the baby world. I throw in some hand gestures for added pizzazz, and bam—language skills in the making. I also introduce a “word of the day,” which we obsess over. Monday’s word? “Ball.” Watch out, “Dada,” you’re about to have some serious competition.

Step 2: Picture Book Bonanza

No daycare is complete without storytime, and we’re going all out with books like Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? (an absolute banger) and Goodnight Moon. Every page is an opportunity to point at things and yell their names. “Dog! Tree! Apple!” It’s like baby karaoke but with less singing and more, uh, random object identification.

The idea here is to build their vocabulary one page at a time. Repetition is key, and I’m sure by the end of this week, they’ll be out there naming every item in the living room, from the coffee table to my sanity.

Step 3: Sensory Play Shenanigans

Next up is a little sensory play. We whip out all kinds of textures—sponges, soft fabrics, plastic containers filled with rice (yes, it gets everywhere, but it’s for education). As they touch and squish, I’m hitting them with new vocab: “soft,” “hard,” “squishy,” “why-is-there-rice-in-my-coffee-again.” It’s all part of the learning experience, and they love it. My floors, on the other hand, are less enthusiastic.

Step 4: Move It, Baby!

By now, it’s time to get these boys moving. I’ve set up a mini obstacle course using pillows and tunnels—basically a baby CrossFit but with 100% less judgment. While they’re crawling, climbing, and living their best baby lives, I’m narrating: “Crawl, climb, jump!” Okay, they’re not quite jumping yet, but we’ll get there. The point is, I’m throwing out action words like they’re candy, and pretty soon they’ll be sprinting (in my dreams) with a whole new vocabulary to match.

Step 5: Puzzle Time

For some fine motor skill action, we’re working with blocks, shape sorters, and those chunky peg puzzles. We sit down (for as long as babies can sit down) and figure out which shape goes where. I walk them through it: “Triangle goes here! Put the block on the stack!” They’ll be geometry pros in no time, I swear.

Step 6: Let’s Dance!

Who doesn’t love a good dance party? I put on some tunes, hand them ribbons to wave around, and we bust a move. We’re talking spins, waves, and a lot of bouncing. Again, I’m narrating every movement because we’re here to learn and groove. Plus, it gives me a workout, so it’s a win-win.

Step 7: Outdoor Adventure Time

When we need a change of scenery (and I need to breathe), we head outside. Every walk turns into a vocabulary lesson. “Look, a tree! See that car? Oh, hello dog!” The twins love exploring the yard and park, touching everything (hello, germs), while I keep naming all the things. I can already see the gears turning in their little minds.

The Weekly Theme Plan

In true daycare fashion, I’ve created themes for each week so we can focus on certain words and concepts. Here’s the lineup:

• Week 1: Body Parts

  We’ll sing songs and play games that teach the basics: head, shoulders, knees, and toes. Gotta start with the essentials!

• Week 2: Animals

  I’ll bring out all the animal sounds, books, and toys to get Franky and Dougy naming their favorite furry friends.

• Week 3: Household Objects

  We’ll move onto the stuff around the house. Spoon, chair, cup—you name it, we’ll learn it.

• Week 4: Emotions

  Using mirrors, I’ll help them figure out those baby emotions: happy, sad, surprised (mostly when they realize “Dada” isn’t the only word out there).

So, there you have it! The official, guncle-approved curriculum that’ll have these boys babbling beyond “Dada” in no time. Sure, my sister may have lit a fire under me, but with this plan, I’m fanning the flames of their future language skills. Guncle’s got this!