Sharing is Caring: Teaching Twins to Play Nice (Without the Tug-of-War)

Hello, fabulous readers! It’s time for another adventure in the land of twin-raising. Today’s topic? Sharing. Or, as Franky and Dougy like to call it, grabbing toys out of each other’s hands with the speed and precision of mini ninjas. If I had a nickel for every time one twin snatched a toy from the other, well, I’d probably have enough for a relaxing solo vacation by now. But since sharing is a skill they’ll need to master sooner rather than later, I’ve been diving into the best ways to encourage it—without losing my own sanity.

So, if you’ve got little ones who think every toy in the room belongs to them, I’ve got some tips and tricks straight from the experts to help smooth out those sharing squabbles.

The Science of Sharing (Yes, It’s a Thing)

According to child development experts, toddlers and babies don’t naturally understand the concept of sharing. Zero to Three, a leading nonprofit organization that studies early childhood development, notes that kids are wired to be a bit self-centered in the early years. It makes sense—they’re just figuring out their world and everything in it is new and exciting (and most likely going into their mouths).

However, promoting sharing from an early age helps foster empathy and social skills. The Whole-Brain Child by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson also mentions that consistent modeling and gentle guidance can help even the youngest kids grasp this tricky concept. So, no, Franky and Dougy aren’t trying to drive me to the brink with their toy battles—they’re just doing what babies do. (Right? Right.)

Tip 1: Model Sharing

Children learn by watching you. So, if you want to teach your twins to share, the best way is to model it yourself. Sit down with the boys during playtime and show them what sharing looks like—handing toys back and forth, taking turns, and making it clear that sharing can be fun. Babies are like little sponges, soaking up everything you do (whether you want them to or not).

Let’s be real, though—no one’s expecting them to master sharing right away. If they’re more interested in seeing how many toys they can shove into their mouths rather than share with each other, don’t worry. Small steps, people. Small steps.

Tip 2: Set the Stage for Success

While sharing might not come naturally, setting the stage for sharing can help. For example, when you’re getting ready for playtime, set out toys that are easy to share—like stacking cups or blocks. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests providing duplicates of popular toys to avoid immediate conflict (aka, don’t pit two babies against each other with just one toy car if you don’t want chaos).

In our house, I’ve learned that having two of everything is sometimes the key to peace. You’d think they wouldn’t want the same toy if there are other fun ones around, but nope—Dougy will always want what Franky has, even if it’s just a rubber teether.

Tip 3: Practice Turn-Taking

While the concept of sharing is hard for babies, they can start learning about taking turns. It’s a gentler way to introduce sharing. When Dougy is playing with a toy, explain that it’s his turn, and then when he’s done, it’ll be Franky’s turn. At first, they’ll probably ignore you (or laugh and yank the toy away even faster), but eventually, the idea of turn-taking will start to sink in.

Parenting Science emphasizes the importance of teaching the concept of fairness as early as possible, which can start with turn-taking games. When you’re playing together, say things like, “Now it’s Dougy’s turn, and then it will be Franky’s turn.” It may feel repetitive, but it lays the foundation for future sharing skills.

Tip 4: Celebrate Sharing Wins

Babies may not fully understand the social importance of sharing, but they do understand praise. So, when one twin offers a toy to the other (whether on purpose or by accident—no one needs to know!), celebrate it like they’ve just solved world peace. Give a big “Yay!” and lots of smiles, reinforcing the positive behavior. Even babies love a good round of applause!

In The Whole-Brain Child, Siegel and Bryson discuss how reinforcing positive behaviors—like sharing—can help strengthen neural connections in the brain. So, every time Franky hands a toy over to Dougy without a tug-of-war, you’re not only preventing a meltdown but also contributing to their brain development. Who knew parenting was so powerful?

Tip 5: Encourage Empathy (In Tiny, Baby-Sized Doses)

Believe it or not, babies can begin to develop empathy even before they hit their first birthday. According to Zero to Three, children as young as 12 months old can start recognizing emotions in others, which is the first step in developing empathy. Encourage this by gently pointing out when one twin is upset or happy. “Look, Dougy is sad—maybe he wants a turn with the toy,” or “Franky looks happy, he’s enjoying his toy.”

Okay, so they may not be handing over toys right away, but this builds an emotional vocabulary for the future and helps them start to understand how their actions affect others.

Final Thoughts: Sharing Isn’t Easy, But It’s Worth It

Let’s face it—sharing is a skill that takes time, patience, and a lot of practice (for babies and parents alike). But the earlier you start modeling, practicing, and reinforcing sharing behaviors, the easier it becomes over time. And remember, it’s perfectly normal for babies to grab, snatch, and guard their toys like tiny toy hoarders. With a little bit of guidance (and a whole lot of patience), they’ll start to understand that sharing isn’t so bad after all.

Now, if only I could get them to share their snacks with me…

Until next time, remember: sharing is caring!